I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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