Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize