the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
