thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
