First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
