How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
