Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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