you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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