I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need a beard to bite.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
