I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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