She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
