just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
