I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
