wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
