i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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