I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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