guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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