It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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