Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
