my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
