Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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