oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
