She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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