You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
