You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
