It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
