why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
