D3 body, D1 cock
our cab driver is having phone sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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