I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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