For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
