Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
