we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
