I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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