I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
