dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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