Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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