I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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