lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
