well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you pee in the oven last night??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize