I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
