I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
