i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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