Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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