shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
