I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
