What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
