Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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