Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is it penis luge time yet?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
