Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
