so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
