I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
