we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bring me that man meat
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
