Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
