I'm gonna have a badass scar
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
