Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
