he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
