he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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