My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
