Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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