The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize