I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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