i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
