Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
