I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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