I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
