i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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