you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
